an expanding family.

This past New Year's Day, we made an exciting announcement:

our family would be growing by two small feet and one cute button nose. 

We were so excited to share our thrilling news. 

This little miracle has been one of our greatest blessings.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

On Wednesday, February 25, my birthday... in case you were wondering, we had our 20 week anatomy scan. We had been so concerned and worried about development and proper growth. We truly wanted our baby to be as healthy as possible, and have been trying our hardest to provide all we could. The scan was amazing. Not only did we get to see our baby, but we got good news about the health, development, and progress. The heart was beating. Blood flowing. Kidneys working. Brain in function. Spine complete. And best of all, the gender was confirmed. 

She is the cutest little bug I've ever seen. Her heartbeat was 147. She weighs 14 oz and is just over 10 inches long. This perfect little girl has the cutest little feet, tiniest nostrils, most adorable femurs,  and such precious little hands. It was on more than one occasion that she'd kick and I'd feel it. It was such a beautiful moment seeing her move and knowing she is healthy and well. 

Just thinking about this beautiful little one makes me tear up. I never knew how much you could love someone you had never met before. Or how much worry could be packed into such a small space. Maybe it's because I'm pregnant and hormonal, I carry her everywhere I go, and my thoughts are constantly consumed by the process. But, maybe it's because of all the struggle it took to finally get here, and how strongly I want her to make it to the very end. 

I know there are many out there who face trials much larger than ours. While beginning this process, I had many fears. Many of those fears are faced each day by women all around us. My heart aches for all the struggles every woman faces, because I know I could never bare whatever burden they have been asked to carry. 

However, that does not take away the reality of the personal trials that he and I have faced together. 

After two miscarriages and two beautiful angels sent to heaven, I feared to ever try again. My heart was heavy, and my soul desperate for comfort, love, protection, reassurance, and confidence in myself. My dear husband and I didn't know how to deal with the loss of a little one, or even two. We had never anticipated it. We wanted them so bad, and we were so close. 

To love an individual so much, but never hold them in your arms, or sing them to sleep is tough. 

However, it was through these two beautiful lives, that I learned so much. 

I learned to forgive myself for what I was not responsible. 

I learned to have trust in my God and His plan. 

And most importantly,

I learned to not fear, but instead, have faith. 

The trial of loosing a life, at such a young age, before you had even met, may seem trivial to others.  But to us it was everything. I learned that each of those lives were indeed blessings. No matter how long we were able to care and hold each of them, I'm glad I had the chance to be the vector that allowed each of those babies to gain a body and pass through this life. 

This child, the one we hold so close our hearts, worry so much about, and consumes all of our time, before the birth has even taken place, is the reason for it all. Regardless of all the pain and tears, we now have a beautiful blessing that we can call ours once again. Except this time, no matter how long we have to spend together, it will be filled with joy. Had we not lost the others, we would not have the precious soul we have right now. I already cannot imagine life without this little girl, and I'm grateful for the circumstances that we've been blessed with to hold her as long as we have.

It is through our trials that we truly gain these beautiful blessings. Yes, we have doubts, fears, and concerns. But none of those are too large that faith cannot conquer. This beautiful baby has a long way to go, but we are so happy that our path has taken us this far. 

Regardless of the end result,

it is better to rejoice while we have reason, than to fear when we have none.

Because of this, we have tried to embrace all the moments we can. And as you can tell we are pretty excited about it all.

July 10th, here we come.

one year of bliss.

Do you remember me telling you how much I wanted to go to Zion's National Park?
Well I did. It was my dream. On my bucket list. And he knew it.
So for our one year anniversary, we decided we'd finally go.

Let me preface this by explaining how awesome I thought it would be.
In reality, I didn't even know if I'd survive. For many reasons:
One, I am terrified of heights. Super terrified. Guys, I can't even jump off the high dive... Angel's Landing might not be the best place to try and conquer that fear. Ya know, considering there aren't any guard rails, and my life would be in the hands  of, well, me. I don't think I trust me.

We drove down to Zion's, and got in too late. All the good camping spots were taken, so we had to drive out a ways and stopped at a sketchy motel-car-camping spot. Just for the night, he told me. We set up our tent and listened to the conversations that were happening several feet away. After sleeping on gravel for a few hours, we woke up the first sign of dawn and packed up.

We drove back to the camping lot and found a beautiful spot, just for us. It was right by the river, and deer were parading around their own territory. We got cute pictures and videos of them, but it just doesn't do it justice.

After setting up camp we decided we'd tackle the bull by the horns and hike Angel's Landing.

angel's landing.

Thursday, August 14, 2014

It was a beautiful day. It was sunny, but still had enough cloud coverage that the heat wouldn't kill us. We walked out by the river and across the way and made it to an oddly convenient bus that drove us throughout the entire park. And at the second to last stop, they dropped us off. Mind you, my hands were very sweaty due to the reality of my fear coming to life. 

I told myself I'd just take it one step at a time. And honestly, I did. We started out crossing a bridge and making our way up the side of a mountain hiking the switchbacks. After ten minutes I decided we were high enough to appreciate a beautiful view and we should head back... He had other plans. Not only did the height of this hike scare me, but I also have really bad knees, ankles and arches, not to mention asthma. Yeah, I'm the cutest little package you've ever met. So, only ten minutes in, people were already starting to pass me. But it was okay. I could finish this, and I'd do it to prove to mind and my body that they couldn't stop me.

Around each turn there was a new view. We took so many videos and pictures, but unfortunately they were mostly captured on the way back. (oh, and for our one year anniversary, I got him a GoPro! So If I post any videos, know we're just beginners... and don't expect any professional quality just yet. We haven't even learned how to crop them yet...) Here is my favorite picture I was able to capture. It looked exactly like this. So beautiful.

The top is what so many travel so far to find. But, the experience at the bottom was just as fun. Our hidden little treasure to help us cool off after a sweaty hike.

But my favorite part of this hike were all the people we met on the way. There were so many visitors from other countries all speaking in their native language. Its a surreal feeling when you are surrounded by nature and a group of diverse people come together to appreciate it together.

the narrows.

Friday, August 15, 2014

Now that I had accomplished my 12 step program to help me conquer my fear of heights, I felt I was ready for anything. Especially the narrows. I had heard about them all my life, and I was finally here. Only a bus ride away. I wish I could share every picture and video of this entire trip, but I know I'd boar you to death. Just know. The narrows are totally worth all the twisted ankles, blistered feet, and cold water. It was my favorite part of the entire trip.

We began in a rather large group, since we all got off the bus together. There were large families, groups of friends, and loved ones all along the way. Except the farther you got out, the less dense it would become. I think that's because they knew what you hiked in you had to hike back. The hike took us all day. We went as far as our little feet could carry us. We explored waterfalls, small and large, deep swimming pools, beautiful scenery and a truly once in a lifetime experience.

One day we'll have videos compiled and it'll show how amazing both of these adventures really were.
But these will have to do for now.

sand hollow.
Saturday, August 16, 2014

We left early that morning for a hotel in St. George. Today was our anniversary. We had big plans. It was a good feeling to walk into a hotel knowing I could take a shower and sleep on a soft bed. But before we did any of that, I had to take him to Sand Hollow. I knew he would love it. There's beautiful red rocks to jump off, the water isn't freezing, and it's somewhat clear for being a reservoir. He didn't believe me. And consequently wasn't too excited. Here is a little video (that yes we compiled, quite ammeter I know.. Bare with us.) that depicts our fun adventure.

And despite climbing to the top of Angel's Landing, I'm still a tad scared of heights;
even the six foot landing I jumped off.

He likes to jump off things...


Top it all off,  that night we went to dinner at a five-star restaurant. The chef personally came out to greet us and presented to me a beautiful red rose. He was quite the casanova. We ate a splendid dinner, dessert on the house, and ended it off with a romantic evening with my man.

This trip was well worth the time off work, and the personal time he and I were able to spend together. I can't wait until we can do something like this again. It was perfect.