an expanding family.

This past New Year's Day, we made an exciting announcement:

our family would be growing by two small feet and one cute button nose. 

We were so excited to share our thrilling news. 

This little miracle has been one of our greatest blessings.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

On Wednesday, February 25, my birthday... in case you were wondering, we had our 20 week anatomy scan. We had been so concerned and worried about development and proper growth. We truly wanted our baby to be as healthy as possible, and have been trying our hardest to provide all we could. The scan was amazing. Not only did we get to see our baby, but we got good news about the health, development, and progress. The heart was beating. Blood flowing. Kidneys working. Brain in function. Spine complete. And best of all, the gender was confirmed. 

She is the cutest little bug I've ever seen. Her heartbeat was 147. She weighs 14 oz and is just over 10 inches long. This perfect little girl has the cutest little feet, tiniest nostrils, most adorable femurs,  and such precious little hands. It was on more than one occasion that she'd kick and I'd feel it. It was such a beautiful moment seeing her move and knowing she is healthy and well. 

Just thinking about this beautiful little one makes me tear up. I never knew how much you could love someone you had never met before. Or how much worry could be packed into such a small space. Maybe it's because I'm pregnant and hormonal, I carry her everywhere I go, and my thoughts are constantly consumed by the process. But, maybe it's because of all the struggle it took to finally get here, and how strongly I want her to make it to the very end. 

I know there are many out there who face trials much larger than ours. While beginning this process, I had many fears. Many of those fears are faced each day by women all around us. My heart aches for all the struggles every woman faces, because I know I could never bare whatever burden they have been asked to carry. 

However, that does not take away the reality of the personal trials that he and I have faced together. 

After two miscarriages and two beautiful angels sent to heaven, I feared to ever try again. My heart was heavy, and my soul desperate for comfort, love, protection, reassurance, and confidence in myself. My dear husband and I didn't know how to deal with the loss of a little one, or even two. We had never anticipated it. We wanted them so bad, and we were so close. 

To love an individual so much, but never hold them in your arms, or sing them to sleep is tough. 

However, it was through these two beautiful lives, that I learned so much. 

I learned to forgive myself for what I was not responsible. 

I learned to have trust in my God and His plan. 

And most importantly,

I learned to not fear, but instead, have faith. 

The trial of loosing a life, at such a young age, before you had even met, may seem trivial to others.  But to us it was everything. I learned that each of those lives were indeed blessings. No matter how long we were able to care and hold each of them, I'm glad I had the chance to be the vector that allowed each of those babies to gain a body and pass through this life. 

This child, the one we hold so close our hearts, worry so much about, and consumes all of our time, before the birth has even taken place, is the reason for it all. Regardless of all the pain and tears, we now have a beautiful blessing that we can call ours once again. Except this time, no matter how long we have to spend together, it will be filled with joy. Had we not lost the others, we would not have the precious soul we have right now. I already cannot imagine life without this little girl, and I'm grateful for the circumstances that we've been blessed with to hold her as long as we have.

It is through our trials that we truly gain these beautiful blessings. Yes, we have doubts, fears, and concerns. But none of those are too large that faith cannot conquer. This beautiful baby has a long way to go, but we are so happy that our path has taken us this far. 

Regardless of the end result,

it is better to rejoice while we have reason, than to fear when we have none.

Because of this, we have tried to embrace all the moments we can. And as you can tell we are pretty excited about it all.

July 10th, here we come.